In just a few short days, my kids will graduate high school.

I should be proud.

I should feel like something in this messy, crazy life of mine has turned out right.

Like a June Cleaver, look how they’ve grown, what wonderful people they have become, kind of mom.

But, I don’t.

I feel lost. And confused. And scared. And lonely.

I feel like I’m grieving.

Like someone has died.

And, when I say it that way, maybe it’s me. Or a part of me anyway….that has died.

Ends are horrible. I don’t care what anyone says. They are so final.

How do you have something for 18 years, and just let it go?

How do you love something with all of yourself, and just set it free?

How do you have your goal in life, as a parent, come to fruition, only to wish it away?

I am so…

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